Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Drunemployed


My hectic schedule pretty much consists of waking up in the un-Godly hour of 11 in the morning. I sometimes have to motivate myself to drag one leg out of the bed and onto the floor. It helps very much when I have a mirror in front of me. It immediately reflects the unhappy sober moron in front of me. I brush my teeth for 5 mins. Not because I love clean teeth but because I am in slow motion. Then I wash off the warm-used toothpaste in my mouth with some beer. I tried whiskey once but realized it was too expensive to be wasted on by spitting it out. I am somewhere in between of sleep walking and actually trying to exist in life. Afterwards I cook myself some breakfast. Usually white egg omelet (trying to stay in unemployment shape). Head to the living room and watch my mid afternoon line-up. When I wake, I need comedy or sex. But since comedy is there most of the time, I am happy with that. I watch Spin City and Home Improvement. The Pamela Anderson episodes are the best.
I leave the house because I'm in the need of some H and C. You're probably asking, "What is that, Walter? Ham and Cheese sandwich?" No, it's not but although, that is very delicious. It's Hotties and Cold-beers. I need to treat my eyes to beautiful women so I go out for a walk around Central Park. I meet some women, have casual convos (conversations). I'm a really sweet guy so I invite them out for some day drinking. There's nothing more fun to me than meeting strangers in the city and just sharing stories and adventures. Of course alcohol makes the stories and company so much better. What I love most about NYC is that you are never ever bored. Nothing is weird or abnormal either. Sure my memory gets vague and blurry every day due to excessive drinking but I can't wait to start it all over again the next day. Now all of this is thanks to the previous company that fired me. That company made me go collect unemployment money. I have never done it before but I am having an amazing time and this is a great country with no boundaries and tons of loopholes. Although all that money was used for alcohol, I have no regrets on wasting time. There's plenty of time in my life for success but never enough for failure, so why not take advantage of it while I am young and careless.

1 comment:

  1. See I always knew we had a LOT in common but one thing for sure is our passion and undeniable love for getting day drunk. ahhh the sweet taste of wine at 12pm. I am a fan of day drunks only because of the common bond I share with them. It is a special time during a day off where you do what you can't usually do during the week (drink during day time...duh) so why not use the time wisely on the weekends for a good day drunk? You get to bed early, don't have a hangover the next morning because it hits you right around dinner time, spend just as much money as going out 9 hours later with the rest of the drinkers, and you can actually hear yourself speak because the music level is at a comfortable decibel as opposed to the "everyone is talking loud so we'll turn the music up until we just can't hear anything" noise competition that happens in EVERY drinking establishment. i like our mutual love affair with day drinking :)

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